my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
