It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
