dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
