i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
