It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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