he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
