I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
