this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
