I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
