you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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