so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
