I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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