but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
