The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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