im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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