I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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