I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
