Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
