Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
