Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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