just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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