12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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