why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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