Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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