I'm so fucking centered right now
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
