Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How naked do you want me to be?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
