And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was like eating out sand paper
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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