I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
