I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
