I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
two words: eviction party
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
