using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
