Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Bring me that man meat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
