I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
