We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
