I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
