There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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