I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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