Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
