Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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