Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
