Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
