I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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