how can u be prego again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
