I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
