hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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