I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
