On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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