well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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