He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
