direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
