it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
