dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
