Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
