I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
