i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
