dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
